Sorry.

I think it hurts the most when the ones you go to for moral support degrades and insults you. And it's worse when they make such horrible comments about you and when you react to it the way any other human being would react, they are the ones that get hurt.

So strange. The world I live in is so strange.

Things like these are the reason why my heart has turned so cold. I used to be the cheerful girl that was so full of emotions and energy. I have changed so much that I have received so many comments from so many different people.

"Amni you are so different now." "You are no longer like the person you used to be." "Why are you like this now?" "i miss the old you"

And the way they all have said it is as if I am the one to be blamed for changing. Maybe it is my fault.

I have become such an emotionless person that every time I say "i love you" or hug my friends, I feel so insincere.

Life is strange.

When I was young, I used to think I could turn to any of you whenever I am upset or stressed about anything. But that's not the way life is. I am so tired of bottling every thing up. I am so tired of not showing how I really feel when I'm around the both of you. I am tired of having to fake a smile just to make the both of you happy. I am so tired of not being able to show any of you how stressed I am because if I do, the both of you will start telling me that I have to suck it up. I am so tired of everything, really.


Sorry I am not as perfect as the people you compare me to. Sorry that I am not pretty, thin or smart. Sorry I am not longer the small little girl you used to know. Sorry I have grown up. Sorry I've changed.

Sorry I walked into my room right after you made that comment. Sorry that I thought that was the best decision because I didn't want you to see me cry. Sorry I am so sensitive. Sorry I didn't think that the comment you made on me was supposed to be a joke.

Sorry I am not usually around at home. Sorry that I no longer have the time to sit and eat with the both of you.

Sorry for being such a disappointing daughter.

Well hello.

This feels a bit strange. Feels like primary/secondary school all over again. But that's alright, I like this feeling.

Anyway. Decided to blog again because.. Why not? hahahahahha

No lah I just felt like it's a bit sad how I have experienced so many things in my life for the past few years, from sad to happy to feelings that I have never known existed before (lol) but it's sad how right now, I don't even remember those things anymore.

1) my memory is really bad
2) I don't really talk about my feelings to anyone, so there's no one to remind me of what has happened to make me feel the way I did during that particular time.

So here it is, I'm back to blogging. Maybe I won't upload as frequently as I used to, but I hope I'm able to blog everytime something interesting happens in my life.

And maybe once I've started blogging for good I can compare this blog to my previous blog and see how much I've changed. Haha!

But anyway, it's 2015 and as of now it's 11:06pm on a humid Saturday. And so far my life in 2015 has been really great so far despite the hiccups but I mean.. That's life right?

:-)